Another passage of time from the Fringe

Goodbye 2013 hello 2014.  Below is the passage I wrote last year, I copied it so I don't have to say it all again.  

Goodbye 2012 and hello 2013....

My wish is that I do not expect anything from you, it is too heartbreaking when I get to the end of the year and get slapped in the face that nothing I had wanted or expected came to fruition ....
I will survive because I have been... in like ..forever.
One more year..another heartache and still lonely.
Well there is always hope and because of that I will go on....
From the fringe...still
Susan

So....

A lot has happened this year, my friend Deb passed away in March, subsequently making me lose my job.  I went to work for the Kwikfill as assistant manager, not that it meant that much, a glorified worker who could do paperwork.  I applied for the cooks job at the E school, Cooperstown and didn't get it.  I hated my store job, cried everynight I worked.  I then heard one of the positions at the E school was back open, I said I was interested, and three weeks later finally got word I was hired.  One bright spot in my life, I started on 12/11 and I love it it I feel like I am home. My sister found a job, my niece got excepted at Broome County college and Cobleskill too.  She is going to Cobleskill. My sister-in-law lost her father this year, we lost Aunt Wanda, the last of Nonie and Dee's kids.  We lost many friends and cousins too.  My eldest brother is doing ok he says, I think something is up, maybe just him getting older.  Another year has gone by and I haven't seen my youngest.  I do hear from him occasionally. His wife and I keep in touch on Facebook. I became a member of the DAR through John Lewis.  Very cool.   

 I am still working at the store as I told them I would cover holiday's and gave them 6 weekends. last day will be 1/19/2014.  I will actually have two days off where I am not working anywhere.  I need to clean my house I want to go to church and I want to be content in my life.  I have big hopes for 2014.  Maybe not expecting anything is wrong.  I am ecpecting changes.  I do not want to be here next year at this time copying this post.  I want 'things' to happen.  I do not want to be alone again for another year.  I want to fall in love, I want to be content.  I want things...... so there 2013 you are my past.  2014 you are my future a clean slate and I intend to write on you.  So heartbroken as I am right now at 7:39 pm on 12/31/2013.  I do not expect to be so next year.... Peace to all, keep my family safe, our soldiers out of harms way and hope for a better year.

So once more from the Fringe, 

Susan

Slacking at the fringe...well maybe not really

Well the last post was January 4th.  Many things have happened, my dear friend Debbie who was so sick and at the time of the last writing, still at home..  Shortly she would go to the hospital and would never make it back there.  She had two surgeries and a brief stint in re-hab.  She went back to the hospital in early February and was on ICU until her death on March 11th.  I spent most days with her.  I was blessed to have known her, and still grieve to this day.  But it also changed my life as I was now out of a job.  The two companies I worked for had no clients, maybe the hint of one but short term and not enough to make a paycheck.  I applied places and got a job at a gas/convenience store as Assistant Manager.  2/10ths of a mile from home.  It works.  But I am still adjusting to the new brain-work and standing on concrete for 10 plus hours a day.  I am not as young as I once was.  Well, it is different.

I see and meet people and some are cute.  It makes me realize all over again, I am alone.

Pity party central has reared its ugly head.  I try for the most part but still I hope and then hopes are dashed, what am I the fringe dweller thinking?  PPC all over again!!  LOL.

I posted this today on facebook as I was reminded of a couple who were in love and facing death.  They touched my life, not sure why but I have thought of them from time to time.

I was reminded today as I was breathing in the scent of lilacs from my neighbors bushes of a lady who was dying from cancer when I worked at the hospital.  I worked in dietary and would visit her everyday and try to interest her in some kind of food.  Not really my job per say but..there you go.  I became friendly with her husband, who was so very sad and needed a friend.  Well, I learned her favorite flower was the lilac.  We had lilacs and I picked her some and took her a bouquet.  She was so sick, but her husband had told me how touched they both were.  She passed shortly after that, and I never saw him again, but I always think of them when I smell lilacs.  Life is such a unique thing, how memories can be recalled just from a scent of flowers, food cooking or a perfume.  Feeling melancholic today, just wanted to share.  Thank you to Mr. and Mrs. Wright for touching my life, God bless you.

4 days in....

Well, it is 4 days into 2013..and so far..I'm not impressed.  I had plans to clean my kitchen, but I have to work and also get my hair cut at 8:30 in the morning.. it so needs it.

I finished my first audio book and am on my second...
Two books by Linda Lael Miller...I am looking for a new one...and I think I need to get away from the 'brain candy' books, it just makes me sad.  Sad that I still do not have anyone.  You would think that after 52 years  I would give up hoping and wishing for "a someone".

I think I will go back to the mysteries..Lincoln Child and Douglas Preston have a new-ish book out and so does Patrica Cornwell.

Well off to go to sleep, until tomorrow...
Sue

Good morning

Well day two of 2013..what will you bring? Work, reading, walking the dogs, cleaning other peoples houses. This weekend, I am thoroughly cleaning the kitchen. It wil make me feel better, and I NEED to feel better about everything but most especially myself.

I may go to the library to get a knitting book as I said I would knit my niece gloves and I don't have a good pattern.

I am hoping to start and complete a knitting project a month.  We will see..

Have a great day, single digits here for warmth..have warmth in your heart

Cold on the fringe...Sue

Goodbye, hello

Goodbye 2012 and hello 2013....
My wish is that I do not expect anything from you, it is too heartbreaking when I get to the end of the year and get slapped in the face that nothing I had wanted or expected came to fruition ....

I will survive because I have been... in like ..forever.
One more year..another heartache and still lonely.
Well there is always hope and because of that I will go on....

From the fringe...still
Susan