Monday morning was 20 degrees warmer than yesterday, and it was only 15 degrees! WOW!
Even though I have time to myself, it seems I don't have any time to myself. Doesn't make much sense. I find myself craving alone-ness. I resent when I have to do anything for anyone else. Outside of work, of course.
I got a lot accomplished today, although it doesn't look it. But I know it's there.
Sometimes even the smallest things done are huge.
My wish is to just sit, not talk with anyone and observe. I can't do this because I am often interrupted.
Not anyone's fault, I can't post a sign that says do not disturb or don't talk to the woman. That would be rude and I'm not that. But the need is there.
Part of my 'On the Fringe' need.
Tomorrow is the hope of another day, another chance to be.
Until later, from the fringe,
Susan
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Wednesday from the Fringe
Good Afternoon. it's Wednesday the 6th of January 2010. It is still snowing, albeit lightly, it is very fluffy. Not enough to really move.
I was thinking the other day about fringe dwelling, it is lovely. You don't need to talk, just listen to other people converse, kind of like the ultimate stalker, just not as creepy. I guess I remember my first fringe dwelling as sitting listening to my Mom talk with her friends, I would just always want to be near them, it was fascinating. It's not that I felt grown up, but I always wanted to be near.
A little back up as to why I fringe dwell-ed, I was extremely shy and I gained strength being near my Mom. I felt safe and loved and comforted. I never wanted to be apart from her. Now, there were several people that thought this was unnatural, maybe it was. Some said I would never grow up,be mature, but, you know I did, long before her death. I was able to hold a job, be a productive part of the world, just on the fringe. Her death really solidified my growth. Not that I wouldn't have anyway, but I didn't have her strength to lean upon, I needed to do this growth alone. And I have. She gave me the tools. All my life she worked on me to be less shy, less 'fringey' and strong. Days before her death in talking about her leaving this earth, I told her I couldn't make it without her. She told me I could that I was a strong woman and I would be okay. I didn't believe her then, but I do now, she made me be strong, gave me the tools. I just had to learn to use them. Even before her death, I had to step up to the plate, handle the one thing I never wanted to face, the loss of my rock. Unfair though it was to her, I used her, I don't know if she resented it or not, but I hope not.
I still find Fringe dwelling safe, I still revert back to my ways. But is it really wrong? Maybe some would think so, but I do not. I have the perspective that not everyone has. We all should just observe.
Until next time, from the fringe,
Susan
I was thinking the other day about fringe dwelling, it is lovely. You don't need to talk, just listen to other people converse, kind of like the ultimate stalker, just not as creepy. I guess I remember my first fringe dwelling as sitting listening to my Mom talk with her friends, I would just always want to be near them, it was fascinating. It's not that I felt grown up, but I always wanted to be near.
A little back up as to why I fringe dwell-ed, I was extremely shy and I gained strength being near my Mom. I felt safe and loved and comforted. I never wanted to be apart from her. Now, there were several people that thought this was unnatural, maybe it was. Some said I would never grow up,be mature, but, you know I did, long before her death. I was able to hold a job, be a productive part of the world, just on the fringe. Her death really solidified my growth. Not that I wouldn't have anyway, but I didn't have her strength to lean upon, I needed to do this growth alone. And I have. She gave me the tools. All my life she worked on me to be less shy, less 'fringey' and strong. Days before her death in talking about her leaving this earth, I told her I couldn't make it without her. She told me I could that I was a strong woman and I would be okay. I didn't believe her then, but I do now, she made me be strong, gave me the tools. I just had to learn to use them. Even before her death, I had to step up to the plate, handle the one thing I never wanted to face, the loss of my rock. Unfair though it was to her, I used her, I don't know if she resented it or not, but I hope not.
I still find Fringe dwelling safe, I still revert back to my ways. But is it really wrong? Maybe some would think so, but I do not. I have the perspective that not everyone has. We all should just observe.
Until next time, from the fringe,
Susan
Monday, January 4, 2010
Snowy days from The Fringe
Oh My!! We got a foot of snow, not much you say, well me either, unless you have to hand move three driveways of it and three sidewalks, four times yesterday and once today.......so far!!!!
At least one driveway and sidewalk are gone as the lady I was doing it for is back from vacation.
I figure it is a forced exercise program!! I think every muscle in my body is revolting! Not sure what is wrong with my snow blower it turns over...now! It wouldn't do that yesterday, but it won't RUN.
Well, enough complaining, its the fourth day of the new year, but the daylight is getting longer, now its after five when it get really dark yeah! Life from the fringe is quiet. I like quiet! Its suits me.
I've been knitting on my hat the Bohemian with it built in scarf. It needs to get done as I could have used it the last few days. Soon....
Well off to go downtown and get diet coke for my friend and deliver and then home to knit!
Be well, from the fringe,
Susan
At least one driveway and sidewalk are gone as the lady I was doing it for is back from vacation.
I figure it is a forced exercise program!! I think every muscle in my body is revolting! Not sure what is wrong with my snow blower it turns over...now! It wouldn't do that yesterday, but it won't RUN.
Well, enough complaining, its the fourth day of the new year, but the daylight is getting longer, now its after five when it get really dark yeah! Life from the fringe is quiet. I like quiet! Its suits me.
I've been knitting on my hat the Bohemian with it built in scarf. It needs to get done as I could have used it the last few days. Soon....
Well off to go downtown and get diet coke for my friend and deliver and then home to knit!
Be well, from the fringe,
Susan
Saturday, January 2, 2010
New Year= always hopeful
Happy New Year, I am always hopeful when the new year arrives, it's a clean slate, no mistakes, no guilt. It has the freshness of a newborn. I do not make resolutions, I have never once in my almost 50 years kept one. Why start the new year a failure?
I try to be my best, do my best and hopefully it makes me a better person.
Life on the fringe gives an advantage that you don't always need to participate, I guess it is safe here!
That being said, I am going to try to venture from the fringe and put myself out there, give my opinion and stick with it. I will do baby steps, already I have said no this year, to something I didn't want to do. The old fringe would have done it and resented it. Alas, I did feel a twinge of guilt but got over it rather quickly! Yeah me!!
So in parting on this second day of the new year 2010, remember to be true to you and you will be true to others,
from the fringe,
Susan
I try to be my best, do my best and hopefully it makes me a better person.
Life on the fringe gives an advantage that you don't always need to participate, I guess it is safe here!
That being said, I am going to try to venture from the fringe and put myself out there, give my opinion and stick with it. I will do baby steps, already I have said no this year, to something I didn't want to do. The old fringe would have done it and resented it. Alas, I did feel a twinge of guilt but got over it rather quickly! Yeah me!!
So in parting on this second day of the new year 2010, remember to be true to you and you will be true to others,
from the fringe,
Susan
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