Wednesday from the Fringe

Good Afternoon. it's Wednesday the 6th of January 2010. It is still snowing, albeit lightly, it is very fluffy. Not enough to really move.

I was thinking the other day about fringe dwelling, it is lovely. You don't need to talk, just listen to other people converse, kind of like the ultimate stalker, just not as creepy. I guess I remember my first fringe dwelling as sitting listening to my Mom talk with her friends, I would just always want to be near them, it was fascinating. It's not that I felt grown up, but I always wanted to be near.

A little back up as to why I fringe dwell-ed, I was extremely shy and I gained strength being near my Mom. I felt safe and loved and comforted. I never wanted to be apart from her. Now, there were several people that thought this was unnatural, maybe it was. Some said I would never grow up,be mature, but, you know I did, long before her death. I was able to hold a job, be a productive part of the world, just on the fringe. Her death really solidified my growth. Not that I wouldn't have anyway, but I didn't have her strength to lean upon, I needed to do this growth alone. And I have. She gave me the tools. All my life she worked on me to be less shy, less 'fringey' and strong. Days before her death in talking about her leaving this earth, I told her I couldn't make it without her. She told me I could that I was a strong woman and I would be okay. I didn't believe her then, but I do now, she made me be strong, gave me the tools. I just had to learn to use them. Even before her death, I had to step up to the plate, handle the one thing I never wanted to face, the loss of my rock. Unfair though it was to her, I used her, I don't know if she resented it or not, but I hope not.

I still find Fringe dwelling safe, I still revert back to my ways. But is it really wrong? Maybe some would think so, but I do not. I have the perspective that not everyone has. We all should just observe.

Until next time, from the fringe,
Susan