Castle, on the Fringe

Just watched Castle and it made me cry... I realized, I have no one to check for monsters under my bed, I have to do that myself and I am alone...

A restful day.....

I went to the village to ease my mind,
To see the sites to feel the mood
I breathed the air and prayed for peace
The geese called my name and I answered
To fly away and worry not
They left without me
Alone, I return to my world



I went for a walked with Crane and Saki, we got coffee and went to the post office and then the store, they were good,  and the walk felt wonderful.  I sat down to write this blog and the above poem came out.
Back to a previous post, I still want to run away.  I wanted to go to a counselor but I can't afford it, so I am going to try, (no real expectation) to heal myself by walking and writing.  I am wishing my self luck.
This blog will reap the rewards or failures, but I will try.

From The Fringe on a Saturday..
S

Tuesday, Tuesday...

Good evening, my, this day was long....I was so cold this morning, and my coat was in the car because it was so nice yesterday, I left it there...it is in the house tonight...not thinking it going to be warm tomorrow.  

I think, therefore........and that gets me into trouble.  Bet you thought I was going to say I am...haha. But thinking get me personally into trouble, I work thoughts and chew on them, but do I spit them out?  No.  I just masticate them more and then I always figure it's me..I am wrong, don't have the right to think my thoughts, not feel what I feel...why do I do this? Not sure, but think it's that fringe thing...I always took someone else's  stand, someone else's dream, someone elses thoughts.....never my own, I never felt worthy. Still don't.  I was weak and I think I still might be....
Well, Tuesday is almost gone, and a new day will begin, and I will start again, hopefully not like today...after all there is always hope.

From the lonely fringe,
S

Monday Evening from the Fringe

Good evening my lovelies...it has been a day.  With in my old job, I started a new job with the same person, but different companies.  Strange as it sounds, I am still working for the old company too...

Still wanting to run away and leave my crazy life...I just want to sit on a beach and listen to the waves and read...for many, many days. 






Maybe someday.....

Until that day........or tomorrow,
From the Fringe,
Susan

Run, run, run ,run runaway....

Sometimes I just wish I could run away...but, the responsible one in me know I can't. I feel so frustrated that I have to wait for everything....I have been waiting my whole life..and I am tired, just plum tired, and worn out. Will it ever get easier to live? I made it through my own personal hell week, the week I lost Mom and all the memories that brought, and the guilt. I don't think that will ever get easier. Every time I try to step from the fringe, I get reminded, I guess that it is there that I belong. Will I never get to live off the edge of life? Will I ever succeed? I don't know how to do this... I'm tired. So I will stay for now on the edge of life, on The Fringe of Life... until I dare to step off, S