My niece went home, her Mother misses her....
It is hot here at the Fringe, I don't do well with heat. Thank goodness for air conditioning!
Can't be witty today don't feel like it!
I just am.....
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Independance Day Fourth and Fifth
Happy Birthday America, today is your day! 234 year ago we became a nation, new, fresh, with trials and tribulations. You know what we are still full of trials and tribulations.
But I think that while we are alive and here troubles follow.
I had the occasion to feel like I was going back in time, Saturday Night my niece and I listened to a broadcast of a baseball game. I could almost picture us around the big RCA radio, hearing the play-by-plays and hoping for our team to win. (It didn't)And our Big RCA radio was the computer as we listened to Teamline of the Cooperstown Hawkeyes who were playing Amsterdam. The got whupped!! 20-3. But what I found interesting is that I could picture the boys as they called out their names, who was where, doing what (or not doing, to our dismay LOL) I had those pictures in my head. I think we need to go back to the old-time radio, listen to the shows, use our imagination. It was fun, only made more so by the fact that Amanda and I were sharing something, nice and safe and fun!!
There will come a time when she won't want to spend as much time with me, even though I AM the coolest Aunt in the world! But alas poor Yorick there will come a day when it will happen.
As of this summer, I am not a fringe dweller, routing for a baseball team, over zealous clapping and shouting, puts me right out there. I know most games you wouldn't notice someone cheering, but when only a hand full of people, under 500 show I kind of stick out. I just want to let the boys know someone is alive and caring to what they are doing for us, this is my summer entertainment! And I am loving every minute!
So I spent my fourth of July watching America's pastime, at historic Doubleday Field with my favorite person in the whole world. Life is good!
So take that fringe, I will see you in the fall!
But I think that while we are alive and here troubles follow.
I had the occasion to feel like I was going back in time, Saturday Night my niece and I listened to a broadcast of a baseball game. I could almost picture us around the big RCA radio, hearing the play-by-plays and hoping for our team to win. (It didn't)And our Big RCA radio was the computer as we listened to Teamline of the Cooperstown Hawkeyes who were playing Amsterdam. The got whupped!! 20-3. But what I found interesting is that I could picture the boys as they called out their names, who was where, doing what (or not doing, to our dismay LOL) I had those pictures in my head. I think we need to go back to the old-time radio, listen to the shows, use our imagination. It was fun, only made more so by the fact that Amanda and I were sharing something, nice and safe and fun!!
There will come a time when she won't want to spend as much time with me, even though I AM the coolest Aunt in the world! But alas poor Yorick there will come a day when it will happen.
As of this summer, I am not a fringe dweller, routing for a baseball team, over zealous clapping and shouting, puts me right out there. I know most games you wouldn't notice someone cheering, but when only a hand full of people, under 500 show I kind of stick out. I just want to let the boys know someone is alive and caring to what they are doing for us, this is my summer entertainment! And I am loving every minute!
So I spent my fourth of July watching America's pastime, at historic Doubleday Field with my favorite person in the whole world. Life is good!
So take that fringe, I will see you in the fall!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
The Lost Month of May
It is too bad about May, such a pretty month, but she went missing. I fear she will never be found. But along comes June and here it is the 21st. And she has been quiet. But that is about to change, yes, I know I have promised to myself in the past that I will be wordy, funny and all those things, but alas I was given a mute button.
I spent most of May and June living past the Fringe, it scared me, I was lost and now I am found, I moved back to the Fringe and found it is safe there.
Sometimes I stepped into life, tried to be someone I am not, and hated myself for it.
Then I stepped further from the fringe and hid, and found that not too desirable either. So I'm back. 2010 The Year of No Fear (well maybe sometimes) has reared its lovely head and is back.
I am going to try new things, speak my feelings, and try to be the Susan I want to be. Not just in my mind. But for the world to see.
My diabetes is still a work in progress, still better than before but not great.
Walking is still good, with dogs and without.
Work is work, sometimes good (depending on the job) and sometimes really tedious, again depending on the job.
I have decided to go on an austerity budget. I need to clear up some over-due bills and the like, get back to healthier credit score and save some money for that rainy day, instead of living the rainy day figuratively speaking.
I am totally stoked for the Jonas Brother's concert in August. 54 Days, 25 minutes of a bunch of seconds, until JBWT!!
I spent most of May and June living past the Fringe, it scared me, I was lost and now I am found, I moved back to the Fringe and found it is safe there.
Sometimes I stepped into life, tried to be someone I am not, and hated myself for it.
Then I stepped further from the fringe and hid, and found that not too desirable either. So I'm back. 2010 The Year of No Fear (well maybe sometimes) has reared its lovely head and is back.
I am going to try new things, speak my feelings, and try to be the Susan I want to be. Not just in my mind. But for the world to see.
My diabetes is still a work in progress, still better than before but not great.
Walking is still good, with dogs and without.
Work is work, sometimes good (depending on the job) and sometimes really tedious, again depending on the job.
I have decided to go on an austerity budget. I need to clear up some over-due bills and the like, get back to healthier credit score and save some money for that rainy day, instead of living the rainy day figuratively speaking.
I am totally stoked for the Jonas Brother's concert in August. 54 Days, 25 minutes of a bunch of seconds, until JBWT!!
Monday, April 12, 2010
April on the Fringe
Instead of New Years resolution, I have made an April Fools resolution, since turning 50 I have decided that the second half of my life is going to be healthier, more in control and the real me is going to emerge!!
I am tapering off my 'happy' pills. I am taking control(care) of my diabetes, before it takes care of me. My new mantra.
I am walking, eating healthier and feeling better.
I too have decided to let God/Jesus, handle all my woes, I am tired of doing 'it' alone. I have gone back to church albeit an online church with a small online community. And I feel happier.
My dear cousin T.E. Bell suggested writing a journal and that has helped. Most of what goes on there is like Vegas.... what happens there stays there! But it is not inside anymore. So I will be able to write more freely here.
So world, hang on we are in for the ride of our lives.
A little bit longer and I'll be fine......NJJ
I am tapering off my 'happy' pills. I am taking control(care) of my diabetes, before it takes care of me. My new mantra.
I am walking, eating healthier and feeling better.
I too have decided to let God/Jesus, handle all my woes, I am tired of doing 'it' alone. I have gone back to church albeit an online church with a small online community. And I feel happier.
My dear cousin T.E. Bell suggested writing a journal and that has helped. Most of what goes on there is like Vegas.... what happens there stays there! But it is not inside anymore. So I will be able to write more freely here.
So world, hang on we are in for the ride of our lives.
A little bit longer and I'll be fine......NJJ
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Last days of being in my 40's on The Fringe
In the next few day I will give up the decade of being 'in my 40's'. Time to start a new journey. This upcoming birthday is not easy for me, I have accomplished much but not what I necessarily wanted to. Being a "Fringe dweller" makes doing things somewhat near impossible. I need(want)to venture further into life, make my mark upon this world so I will not be forgotten.
Accepting the fact that I am one half a century old and still unsure of my future, is scary. Shouldn't I know where my life is headed? I feel this is why I am almost in a state of panic.
Who Am I?? I am pensive, scared, lonely, happy and unhappy (yes. I can be both) a diabetic, sister, niece, aunt, friend, unfulfilled, and content, blessed. That's Who I Am.
Accepting the fact that I am one half a century old and still unsure of my future, is scary. Shouldn't I know where my life is headed? I feel this is why I am almost in a state of panic.
Who Am I?? I am pensive, scared, lonely, happy and unhappy (yes. I can be both) a diabetic, sister, niece, aunt, friend, unfulfilled, and content, blessed. That's Who I Am.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Warmer Monday from the fringe
Monday morning was 20 degrees warmer than yesterday, and it was only 15 degrees! WOW!
Even though I have time to myself, it seems I don't have any time to myself. Doesn't make much sense. I find myself craving alone-ness. I resent when I have to do anything for anyone else. Outside of work, of course.
I got a lot accomplished today, although it doesn't look it. But I know it's there.
Sometimes even the smallest things done are huge.
My wish is to just sit, not talk with anyone and observe. I can't do this because I am often interrupted.
Not anyone's fault, I can't post a sign that says do not disturb or don't talk to the woman. That would be rude and I'm not that. But the need is there.
Part of my 'On the Fringe' need.
Tomorrow is the hope of another day, another chance to be.
Until later, from the fringe,
Susan
Even though I have time to myself, it seems I don't have any time to myself. Doesn't make much sense. I find myself craving alone-ness. I resent when I have to do anything for anyone else. Outside of work, of course.
I got a lot accomplished today, although it doesn't look it. But I know it's there.
Sometimes even the smallest things done are huge.
My wish is to just sit, not talk with anyone and observe. I can't do this because I am often interrupted.
Not anyone's fault, I can't post a sign that says do not disturb or don't talk to the woman. That would be rude and I'm not that. But the need is there.
Part of my 'On the Fringe' need.
Tomorrow is the hope of another day, another chance to be.
Until later, from the fringe,
Susan
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Wednesday from the Fringe
Good Afternoon. it's Wednesday the 6th of January 2010. It is still snowing, albeit lightly, it is very fluffy. Not enough to really move.
I was thinking the other day about fringe dwelling, it is lovely. You don't need to talk, just listen to other people converse, kind of like the ultimate stalker, just not as creepy. I guess I remember my first fringe dwelling as sitting listening to my Mom talk with her friends, I would just always want to be near them, it was fascinating. It's not that I felt grown up, but I always wanted to be near.
A little back up as to why I fringe dwell-ed, I was extremely shy and I gained strength being near my Mom. I felt safe and loved and comforted. I never wanted to be apart from her. Now, there were several people that thought this was unnatural, maybe it was. Some said I would never grow up,be mature, but, you know I did, long before her death. I was able to hold a job, be a productive part of the world, just on the fringe. Her death really solidified my growth. Not that I wouldn't have anyway, but I didn't have her strength to lean upon, I needed to do this growth alone. And I have. She gave me the tools. All my life she worked on me to be less shy, less 'fringey' and strong. Days before her death in talking about her leaving this earth, I told her I couldn't make it without her. She told me I could that I was a strong woman and I would be okay. I didn't believe her then, but I do now, she made me be strong, gave me the tools. I just had to learn to use them. Even before her death, I had to step up to the plate, handle the one thing I never wanted to face, the loss of my rock. Unfair though it was to her, I used her, I don't know if she resented it or not, but I hope not.
I still find Fringe dwelling safe, I still revert back to my ways. But is it really wrong? Maybe some would think so, but I do not. I have the perspective that not everyone has. We all should just observe.
Until next time, from the fringe,
Susan
I was thinking the other day about fringe dwelling, it is lovely. You don't need to talk, just listen to other people converse, kind of like the ultimate stalker, just not as creepy. I guess I remember my first fringe dwelling as sitting listening to my Mom talk with her friends, I would just always want to be near them, it was fascinating. It's not that I felt grown up, but I always wanted to be near.
A little back up as to why I fringe dwell-ed, I was extremely shy and I gained strength being near my Mom. I felt safe and loved and comforted. I never wanted to be apart from her. Now, there were several people that thought this was unnatural, maybe it was. Some said I would never grow up,be mature, but, you know I did, long before her death. I was able to hold a job, be a productive part of the world, just on the fringe. Her death really solidified my growth. Not that I wouldn't have anyway, but I didn't have her strength to lean upon, I needed to do this growth alone. And I have. She gave me the tools. All my life she worked on me to be less shy, less 'fringey' and strong. Days before her death in talking about her leaving this earth, I told her I couldn't make it without her. She told me I could that I was a strong woman and I would be okay. I didn't believe her then, but I do now, she made me be strong, gave me the tools. I just had to learn to use them. Even before her death, I had to step up to the plate, handle the one thing I never wanted to face, the loss of my rock. Unfair though it was to her, I used her, I don't know if she resented it or not, but I hope not.
I still find Fringe dwelling safe, I still revert back to my ways. But is it really wrong? Maybe some would think so, but I do not. I have the perspective that not everyone has. We all should just observe.
Until next time, from the fringe,
Susan
Monday, January 4, 2010
Snowy days from The Fringe
Oh My!! We got a foot of snow, not much you say, well me either, unless you have to hand move three driveways of it and three sidewalks, four times yesterday and once today.......so far!!!!
At least one driveway and sidewalk are gone as the lady I was doing it for is back from vacation.
I figure it is a forced exercise program!! I think every muscle in my body is revolting! Not sure what is wrong with my snow blower it turns over...now! It wouldn't do that yesterday, but it won't RUN.
Well, enough complaining, its the fourth day of the new year, but the daylight is getting longer, now its after five when it get really dark yeah! Life from the fringe is quiet. I like quiet! Its suits me.
I've been knitting on my hat the Bohemian with it built in scarf. It needs to get done as I could have used it the last few days. Soon....
Well off to go downtown and get diet coke for my friend and deliver and then home to knit!
Be well, from the fringe,
Susan
At least one driveway and sidewalk are gone as the lady I was doing it for is back from vacation.
I figure it is a forced exercise program!! I think every muscle in my body is revolting! Not sure what is wrong with my snow blower it turns over...now! It wouldn't do that yesterday, but it won't RUN.
Well, enough complaining, its the fourth day of the new year, but the daylight is getting longer, now its after five when it get really dark yeah! Life from the fringe is quiet. I like quiet! Its suits me.
I've been knitting on my hat the Bohemian with it built in scarf. It needs to get done as I could have used it the last few days. Soon....
Well off to go downtown and get diet coke for my friend and deliver and then home to knit!
Be well, from the fringe,
Susan
Saturday, January 2, 2010
New Year= always hopeful
Happy New Year, I am always hopeful when the new year arrives, it's a clean slate, no mistakes, no guilt. It has the freshness of a newborn. I do not make resolutions, I have never once in my almost 50 years kept one. Why start the new year a failure?
I try to be my best, do my best and hopefully it makes me a better person.
Life on the fringe gives an advantage that you don't always need to participate, I guess it is safe here!
That being said, I am going to try to venture from the fringe and put myself out there, give my opinion and stick with it. I will do baby steps, already I have said no this year, to something I didn't want to do. The old fringe would have done it and resented it. Alas, I did feel a twinge of guilt but got over it rather quickly! Yeah me!!
So in parting on this second day of the new year 2010, remember to be true to you and you will be true to others,
from the fringe,
Susan
I try to be my best, do my best and hopefully it makes me a better person.
Life on the fringe gives an advantage that you don't always need to participate, I guess it is safe here!
That being said, I am going to try to venture from the fringe and put myself out there, give my opinion and stick with it. I will do baby steps, already I have said no this year, to something I didn't want to do. The old fringe would have done it and resented it. Alas, I did feel a twinge of guilt but got over it rather quickly! Yeah me!!
So in parting on this second day of the new year 2010, remember to be true to you and you will be true to others,
from the fringe,
Susan
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